Pain

11/11/2023

I just want this pain in my heart to stop. The pain of always feeling like a foreigner, the pain of being left out, and the pain of being rejected for being who I am.

A part of me is wondering if I should still remain in the Nikkei Student Union.

How much more pain do I have to endure? For how long must the suffering continue?

The suffering never stops does it? To live is to suffer. I seem to have forgotten that very truth.

For most of my life, I always felt like a foreigner. No matter how hard I tried, I could never find acceptance from others except for my close friends who understood me. No matter how hard I try, I will never find acceptance.

This whole time, I have been a fool. I expected too much from this world.

After all, why should I care about this world? Why should I care about others when they have done nothing for me while I suffered? Why do they deserve happiness but not me? I thought I was indifferent to the world but in reality, I hate it. I would prefer to see them suffer just like I did.

In one sense, the world is not responsible for whether I feel lonely or for my suffering. That also means, I am not responsible for others.