Dos
2. The Unrequited love poem: How do you feel when you love someone who does not love you back? (02/19/2023)
I would define love as accepting something as it is without wanting it to be changed. For example, I love Costco hotdog with onions and deli mustard and I don’t want it to change at all. However, if you apply that to people then it becomes more complicated. For example, my parents care about me but I cannot con say confidently that they love me. There was always something for me to improve or to better at whether its increasing my GPA at school, playing more sports outside of class, or being more involved in Nepali culture and the holidays. A part of me wonders, if I am never able to do what they ask of me, will they still love me as who I am?
To love someone who doesn’t love you back is a deep pain. It’s one thing to be rejected by random strangers or people you barely know. However, it is very painful to be rejected by your family or by a close friend. They are a huge part of your life and them not accepting you makes you question your identity. A part of you also wishes you were different just to regain their acceptance. At best, a major rejection can be an opportunity for you to separate yourself from them and to seek out other individuals like yourself. At worst, a major rejection can lead to depression and even suicidal thoughts.
For me, I had a major fallout with my parents with me not meeting their high expectations. I had my first suicide attempt and suffered from depression for quite a while. I had to go through therapy and a lot of honest self-reflection about who I am and what I want. I came out with a less fucks given attitude because I used to care a lot about what my parents thought about me, what my friends thought about me, and what society in general thought about me. Now, I don’t care as much as I used to. I feel a lot of pressure taken off my shoulder and I feel more free to express myself and my emotions as a result. However, a part of me deep within inside still wishes that my parents would be proud of me even if I didn’t follow the path they laid out for me.
