14

14 Tell your future self about today. (03/12/2023)

I am sorry. Future me, you will eventually hate the present me for being a chronic procrastinator. I am always putting off work especially ones without hard deadlines like doing more exercise, more self-reflection, and personal development but I always put it off to play video games or watch shows. I get stuck on this slump which makes it even harder to change.
I keep telling myself that I will change into a better BG someday. Looking at my current self, it feels more like a fantasy that I am using to give myself short-term happiness rather than a goal I have set up a solid plan for. I told myself I would lose weight but I never made a good system for it and I ended up falling off my diet and even some of my gym exercises.
It's been almost 5 years since I actively focused on trying to lose weight and I have made some significant progress so far. So far, I am not obese anymore, just overweight but I never was normal weight. It does sound shallow, but one of my goals was to lose enough weight to see abs. I have been fat my whole life and if I get abs, then maybe it might be proof that I can change into something that I have never been before. However, after many failed attempts, a part of me is full of doubt if that will ever happen.
With each failure, does it get harder because you lose hope each time or does it get easier because you learn from your mistakes?