81+82

81 Write about your last dream. (05/04/2023)

I forgot the dream from this morning. The previous night, I had a dream where I was on a ship looking out into the sea from the edge. My dad was next to me leaning on the metal barrier as well. I felt like I had just time traveled from the future and I knew what the future had in store. I saw my dad die after leaving on a trip. I started crying and hugged him. I told him not to leave the ship. However, he said he had to go and left. I then woke up.
I remember two other dreams from over a year ago. The first dream I remember is walking into a room and seeing my childhood friend hanging from a rope. The other dream is about where I see a girl being harassed by bouncer and I fail to speak up due to my fear.
I don't remember any good dreams. However, the dreams do showcase some of my biggest fears. I do often worry about my friends and family. Deep down, I am scared of them leaving me and being alone. Another thing I struggle with is being controversial. I rarely give my own opinions or speak at all because I am always listening and observing. Even during times when I should speak up, I stay quiet because I worry about what others will think of me if I said this or that. It's safer for me to blend into the background and not exist in other people's world at all.
As for my last dream. My relationship with my parents are complicated. I was an asshole of a son, and they weren't parents of the year either. Looking back, there were so many areas where I could have improved upon. I should have been more helpful around the house and took on more responsibility. My parents should have listened more to what I had to say rather than just lecturing me most of the time. After many years, I had to decide that I couldn't live in the same house as my parents. They grew up in a different culture compared to the one I am in and we often get into arguments over that. They say "I am too American for them". If we live together, they will be unhappy with seeing me as a disappointment, and I will be unhappy wanting to be free from judgement. However, despite all that, I still care about them. They are my parents after all. They wanted what was best for me from their viewpoint which isn't necessarily what I want. They want stability and a close-knit family. I want freedom and to have fun so there is a conflict. In the future, I plan to live near them in case they need help or if they get too lonely. And yes, a part of me is still not ready to live in a world without them when that time comes.

82 Describe the clothes your parents wore most often when you were a child. (05/04/2023)

From old photo albums, my dad often wore jean jackets and jean pants with a white t-shirt underneath. My mom wore jean pants and a blue/black cotton sweater. I spent my first-half of childhood in Nepal and the latter half in Hong Kong. In Nepal, I lived with my aunt and cousins. My aunt always wore a sari on the bottom and had a shirt on top. After moving back in with my parents at my 8th birthday, at home, my dad usually wore a grey cargo shorts along with a white vest on top. My mom wore a t-shirt with long cotton pants.
I grew up not rich so me and my parents wore average clothes. Nobody in my family has ever bought or worn any piece of clothing over $100. We never wear designer clothes nor buy expensive jewelery. Even at special occasions like weddings and family weddings, my dad will wear a blue collar shirt with a black pant as if he is going to the office. My mom will wear a full sari alongside with green bangles during parties.
I take the same approach too. Whenever I am buying clothes or fashion items, I take into account of the product's looks, comfort, and durability to decide if its price is justified. For the most part, I already have clothes for my needs such as a sweater for cold weather, a waterproof jacket for rain, or a light dry-fit sweater for night runs. I already have my clothing needs met, everything else is just a want and not necessary. I could use that money for other things like travel, investing, or gifts for my friends and family. Plus, moving a lot for college and deployment, I had to make a lot of space choices so any extra clothes seem more like a hassle than something that gives me joy. I am a guy, and I have a simple standard for clothes I wear. If the clothes doesn't have any weird colors or graphics, and it fits me perfectly, its good enough. I don't care about the brand. I grew up going shopping with my mom in Ross, Old Navy, or other stores only during black market. Plus, I never found a passion in fashion so it doesn't affect me that much.