51 + 52

51 What would you like to try if you had the certainty that you wouldn’t fail? (04/15/2023)

Backpacking, life coach, and a good friend. These are the things I want to do throughout my life.
As for other things that I am scared to do...
Go to a club by myself and ask a girl out
-I am terrible at approaching women and it gets a lot harder when you are doing it alone. It's like going to the gym for the first time by yourself with no gym partners.
Try drugs for the first time like LSD and Molly
-I want to try these drugs and experience life a little differently for once. However, I don't want to die nor do I want to be addicted or have long-term health consequences.
Fly to Hong Kong by myself and stay there for a few weeks revisiting my childhood places
-I don't know when I will do this. It's been almost 6 years since I last went. This time, I don't want anybody to know nor do I want to visit any relatives. I just want to go visit my old childhood places like Sun Yat Sen Park and the Golden Dolphin statue. Alongside traveling, I will journal and self-reflect more in each of these places and think about how far I have come.
Eat a brownie loaded with weed
-I have never got to experience being high. I don't like joints because smoking burns my lungs so I want to eat a nice chocolate brownie and go on a trip adventure.
Write a book and publish it online
-For my book, it should be about what I want the world to hear from me. As of now, I don't have much of a clear picture of what I want to show or tell. It will most likely be about being honest about one's fears.
Teach a bunch of social paranoids like me how to socialize and self-improve
-It's odd that I want to teach something that I struggle with as well. I want to get better at those things and start teaching them to others. Only after teaching something you showcase mastery of a subject.
Travel to Japan with my friends
-Back in 2018, my best friend Canyon had a dream of traveling to Japan with me and Sam. However, all of us were a bunch of poor college students (we still are). He had this whole plan of working jobs and saving every month and going there in the summer. Back then, I didn't give it too much thought and his dream died on its own. Now, that I have some money, I do want to go there with him and Sam as well. All of us are weaboos (americans who watch anime aka japanese animation). All muslims have to do a pilgrimage at least once in their life to Mecca regardless of where they are in the world. I apply the same concept to weaboos. As fellow weaboos, we have to make a pilgrimage to Japan at least once in our life and I want to do that with my best friends. I still have a lot of doubts as if it will ever happen but when we get full-time jobs and some money saved up, it might be the last time we get to enjoy our youths before we become full-fledged adults and become busy with work and family.
Host a cookout with my friends
I often visit my friends at their apartment and we usually just eat a bunch of snacks and play board games afterwards. I want to bring in a bunch of groceries and cook some nice meals with them. Most likely it will be pasta or cookies. I just want to enjoy cooking food with them at least once.
Fly to Baltimore to visit Kim and go to New York
-I came to the US in 2013 and lived in Los Angeles ever since. I have never been to New York sadly because weather-wise, I fit in more with the east coast than the west coast. I like having all seasons except summer. I love the rain and snow and not the sun burning off my skin every waking hour. I have never traveled far on my own so I want to do that as well. Going wherever I want without any restrictions or supervision. I also love that you can walk or use public transportation to get anywhere in contrast to the west coast where you drive everywhere. I grew up in Hong Kong for some time so I love riding buses and trains.
Get married?
-This one is a odd fear but I am scared of getting married. If I end up marrying the wrong person and we end up getting divorced, I lose half my assets, half my kids, and gain a lot of mental trauma from the whole downfall.

Now that I think about it, this ended up being a bucket list. Wow.

52 Is there something in your life that needs to be simplified? (04/15/2023)

Just for safety and to avoid looking like a dumbass, I am going to double-check what it means to simplify something.
According to freedictionary.com, to simplify something means to make it easier to understand and to accomplish.
Everything.
Maybe not everything. Life is full of problems and it's our job to solve them. Everything is a problem to be solved whether its hunger, being too obese, having too much time to waste, or not being fired. As a result, each action we take is an example of problem solving whether its eating food, going to the gym, playing video games, or doing the weekly reports. When we solve one problem, it gives rise to another problem and this cycle continues infinitely until we die.
For example: I wake up to avoid being late for work. I do my reports and presentations tediously and on time to avoid being fired and being homeless. Now that I have money, I have to decide what to spend it on whether its rent, food, entertainment, drugs, family, prostitutes, etc. Let's say I buy a video game after paying for my rent and groceries for the month. Guess what? The video game is essentially a large series of problems to be solved. Me using the controller to move the main character from Point A to Point B is me problem solving a problem I created for myself. Instead of a video game, I decide to fly to Japan with my best friends. Now, I got a new problem of planning the whole trip out including the dates, budgeting, and figuring out what to do during our time there. When we are in Japan, we have to figure out how to go to all of the tourist places we want to see. Even when we reach there, we are met with new problems, going up the stairs to see the shrine temple, me and my friends trying not to act like dumbasses to avoid being blacklisted, finding the perfect angles for my Instagram photos, and trying to not make direct eye contact with the locals to avoid being rude.
We humans are genetically made to be problem-solvers and we love solving problems. However, we also get frustrated easily whenever we have difficulty solving one, especially one we don't understand. For example, a rubix cube. I never figured out how to solve one and the large majority of humans don't know how to solve it either. As a result, if you make me solve a rubix cube, it might take me a good 15 minutes of failing to solve it before I smash it out of pure frustration. I am a monkey in clothes for god's sake.
So while I don't want all of my life's problems to be solved for me, I do want some problems to be simplified. For example, the biggest problem I face is having a strong identity. It's 2023 and the world is changing rapidly. I have been on this Earth since 2000 and I still have no idea who I am or what I am supposed to do. Sure, I don't want to be homeless or hungry so I know I need a job to work. Other than that, I don't know much else. I am alive for the sake of being alive and no other reason. I am just drifting with the wind and wherever it takes me. I do feel often that I lack control over my own life.
One thing I want to accomplish is to be a good role model to help guide other hopeless individuals like me. However, a blind man can't guide other bind people. It doesn't make sense. I can't tell whether I am going the right way or the wrong way.
So what needs simplification is:
-Finding my purpose (aka my place/role in this world)?
-What it means to be a good role model?
-What do I want to guide others on?