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35. What could you do today to get closer to your goal(s)? (04/01/2023)
This prompt inspired me to delete my Instagram for the twentieth something time. It will be a while before I reinstall it again. However, it is one less distraction to worry about. I still have Facebook installed unfortunately because part of me hopes that I get accepted into the local MSAB community so that I can sell my Chromebook. Fuck it, if I don't get accepted by 04/11 Tuesday morning, I am doing a factory reset, and shipping it back home as a gift to my little brother, Biggyn. And I will uninstall Facebook as well.
One of my main goals is to be more mature and confident. The last time I felt that I actually made progress to that was when I was in Qatar, slightly tipsy, and I cried my eyes as I opened about my struggles with depression and low self-worth while talking with a close friend of mine. I learned more about myself in that one night than I have in the last few years. It's been 3 months since and I have been stagnant for the most part. The lack of alcohol and the lack of like-minded people have left me more quiet than usual.
Sure, I have been working out and journaling almost everyday to improve myself physcially and mentally but none of it feels as impactful as that one night. I need alcohol and somebody to open up to. That is my greatest desire, a drug I can't get enough of.
I know that once I am back in the US, I will have plenty of opportunities to get drunk and cry my eyes out in the arms of a stranger. My current plan is to finish off any personal business here so I have more time for that. For example, any video games I have been meaning to finish, I finish them here in Jordan. Working out, I do that here. Saving money, I do that here.
Self-awareness is another goal of mine. This prompt and a previous prompt gave me an idea. I know, it asked me to create a title for a biography if I had one. I named it, "A False Chameleon". Now, I feel inspired to start writing it and finishing it. One of my goals out of the hundreds on my list was "33. Getting to know the 'real you'". I wrote that goal 6 months ago and I never thought once about it. It seemed like a too broad of a goal. A goal like walking/jogging 3 miles everyday for a month is simple but the other goal feels too broad. There is no instruction which gives me a simple excuse to ignore it.
Now, I know I have to write my own life memoir.
