131+132
131. What do you wish more people knew about you? (06/26/2023)
Non-judgmental
That's what I wish more people knew about me. Most people already know I am weird because i do a lot of stupid things. I often act first, think later and other times I overthink out of fear of being embarrassed. I am often quiet but there are times where I become loud and let some of the most outrageous statements come out of my mouth. I am bipolar. That is the main vibe most people get from me. I am one person acting like 2 different people. I don't want this bipolar shit. I want to be stable and stop myself from scaring away others. However, I am at a point in my life where I am trying to change myself for the better and it is hard, especially when I keep redoing old habits.
Despite my bipolarism, I still have a strong belief that each person is unique and is never fully to blame for their circumstances. I can never bring myself to hate somebody 100% because there will always be a part of me that can emphasize with their situation. I want people to know this more so that I can have more open conversations with them and better friendships as a result.
As I am writing this, I do question myself if this is all some bullshit I made up in my head. I am an edgelord that wants to feel superior compared to everybody else. I keep comparing myself to others and often wish for them to lose.
Am I non-judgmental? I don't know about that. Others may think it's bullshit too.
Fuck. Who am I? If I don't know myself, how will others know?
132. What makes someone a good leader? (06/26/2023)
A leader is someone who takes the initiative. He/she is the first one to do an action which others follow whether its the first one in the group to volunteer or the first one to work on an idea. If there are no followers, that person is not a leader. He/she is just an individual. If they are the only person that ends up raising a hand in class, that doesn't make them a leader unless somebody else raises a hand after them.
A good leader is somebody who is comfortable taking risks, trying out new ideas, and is able to make it easier for others to follow their actions. Being the first one to do something is hard and scary because most of the time you will fail and often feel embarrassed in front of everyone. There isn't much guidance or a tutorial because you are doing something new and different. You are the one creating it with the lessons you learn from your mistakes. Others observe and follow your successful tactics. A good leader also have to be open to new ideas and change.
Trying out new things and being risk-tolerant go hand in hand. For example, when I was A.S. Representative in my volunteering club, I took a risk in making the clubs more social. I started organizing more icebreakers during meetings and I added a scavenger hunt to my picnic event which took a lot of planning and stress. A lot of mistakes and embarrassments happened because I was trying out something new. It's scary being a leader because you often feel like you are walking in the dark and you are responsible for the ones following you as well.
Lastly, a good leader is nothing without his/her followers. In order to do that, they have to make following their tactics accessible. For example, I often gave advice to new members that wanted to be in the club council and I made myself more open to conversations. I also created an environment where people felt okay in trying out new things and failing. It's a lot less embarrassing and more rewarding when you have somebody to reassure you that the mistakes and failures is a part of the process. However, I did fail in this area as well because I tried doing everything myself because I had a false belief that nobody could do the job better than me. So I often hesitated in delegating tasks which burnt me out a lot by the end.
Being a leader is rewarding. Over my years being a leader in various positions, I have tried many ideas, made many mistakes, been humbled many times, and matured as a person. I will continue to be a leader throughout my life because that's how we make changes in the world in our own vision.
