124+125
124. Write about a time when someone annoyed or hurt you by saying something unkind about your body. (06/19/2023)
When I used to be a kid and a teenager, my nickname used to be "motte" which means fatty in Nepali. My parents used to call me that in a joking manner alongside my relatives. I didn't mind it too much but I didn't feel good about it. Whenever I looked in the mirror, I didn't like what I saw. I didn't like being fat. However, I was lazy and loved eating till I was bored so nothing changed. During my senior year, I got rejected by every girl I asked to for prom and that was a wake up call. I was too fat and ugly so I had to change or risk dying alone. I was also reminded of all the times I was called "motte". I started eating way less than I should have and I ran almost every morning with an empty stomach. I would run for at least 6 miles total and one day, I ran 18 miles in the span of 5-6 hours. With the weight loss, I also lost my passion for food. Food wasn't something to enjoy anymore, it was a tool to fuel my weight loss and muscle gain.
I used to be over 210 pounds and now I am at 165 pounds. I am skinny fat now because I still have a huge belly. However, I look a lot leaner especially in my face which has a better jaw structure. I feel more comfortable wearing tighter clothing like t-shirts instead of hoodies and jackets. I also feel more confident with the new me. Instead of being called fat, people call me skinny if they knew what I looked like before. They say I look weak and I should eat more. On one hand, I see it as a compliment because I lost weight, but on the other hand, everyone will always have something to say about my body. Now, my next goal is to become leaner and put on some muscle to my body. A part of me wonders if I will be any happier with that lean body to what I have now. Looking back, I used to be happier when I was fat than I am now because I used to be carefree about the world and others' opinions. Now, I struggle between being a people pleaser and a narcissistic selfish asshole.
125. Are there any songs that make you nostalgic? (06/19/2023)
The first song is "The Man Who Can't be Moved" by The Script. I first heard this song in 2011 when my cousins Paul and Kchhitij came from the UK to visit us in Hong Kong. He played this song and I fell in love with it. The lyrics and the music was beautiful. Listening to it reminds me of the good times we had 12 years ago. We played on our computers flash games together and Minecraft on our tablets. We went to the downtown district and bought Bakugan to play with. I loved sitting on the second floor of the bus on the front and watch the city streets as we went from stop to stop. When they left, I was depressed for a while. That happiness I had was gone. The song sounded even better because it's a sad song about missing someone. I resonated with it.
The second song is "Lemon Tree" by "Fools Garden". This is one of the few songs that I know all of the lyrics too. It is the first song that I fully memorized to sing. I had a group class presentation for a song. One of my friends chose this song. In the one week we had to prepare, I sang this song every night. I would go to Youtube and put on subtitles to sing to. As I got better, I learned to sing from memory. On the day of the presentation, I was seen as a try-hard because I put too much effort into my singing. Even 12 years later, I still know all the lyrics and can sing from heart. Most songs, I have difficulty singing because my voice often cracks but with this song, I have no issues. This song is also about being alone and missing somebody.
Another song is The Journey. It is an electronic song with some lyrics. I do not know most of the lyrics nor can I sing them. However, growing up, it was one of my favorite songs. As a kid, I only had a PC to play flash games on. I did not have an Xbox, PlayStation, or a GameCube. I would watch a lot of Let's Play videos. I would watch from Part 1 till the Final Part of their playthroughs whether it was the campaign of COD MW2 or Alan Wake. This was also the era where you had Youtube compilations of gamers doing trick shots and posting them online. The Journey was one of the songs used for COD MW3 throwing knife montage by Vikkstar. The editing and the sync of the beats of the music with the knife kills blew me away. I fell in love with the song so much that I made one of the song thumbnails as my desktop wallpaper. It reminds me of the old times where I would watch Youtube videos of gamers as a kid. This gives me heavy nostalgia.
