111+112
111. +112. Who's had the biggest impact on your life so far? How have they influenced you? (06/04/2023)
I already talked about my dad and my older sister, Ela Didi. Now, I will talk about my little brother, Biggyn.
I was an only child for 11 years. When I found out that my mom was pregnant, I wanted a sibling for the wrong reasons. I was a mischievous little kid who didn't like doing work and hated listening to others. I would often get lectured and punished by my parents for being a little shit. I thought that if I had a little sibling, we could share the blame, and I would only get half of the punishments.
My little brother was born and he was discharged from the hospital after about a month. For the first few years, I was not happy with having a sibling. I had trouble sleeping because of his late night cries. When everyone else was busy, I was put in charge of babysitting him. I just wanted to play my games and be lazy but now I am a big brother with more responsibility. Raising a little baby was stressful whether it was singing him to sleep late at night, taking the strollers out to the park everyday, bringing the stroller down and up 7 floors because our apartment didn't have an elevator, buying baby formula, making special porridge meals just for him, giving daily baths, wiping his ass and changing diapers, and making sure he didn't fall off the bed. It was also expensive for our low-income family struggling to make ends meet. My parents often threw their frustrations at me as a result. I didn't ask to have a sibling, I just wanted it to be like the past. I blamed my brother for our problems.
Looking back now, I was wrong to blame him for those things. I didn't ask for a sibling and neither did he ask to be born into this world.
Even after we moved to the US, I didn't like being with him. He learned how to speak English and always wanted to have fun with toys or the TV. I was already dealing with my own problems at school and with my parents. I saw him as another nuisance that I wanted to avoid. After he became 8 years old, he started gaining a lot of weight because he ate a lot at school and at home. My parents put me in charge as his fitness coach so we went on walks almost every afternoon. Initially, I just zoned out while he rambled on about his day and his classmates during our hour walks. After a while, I slowly began to listen and pay attention. I saw myself in him.
He looked up to me as his older brother. Whether I liked it or not, he often copied my actions and my language. If I was playing video games, he would watch and ask to try. If I was reading a book, he would pick up his own book to read along. He would barge into my room and ask what I was up to every half an hour. I had mixed feelings when I realized this. I was happy and proud that someone looked up to me. I was also terrified and scared. I was not happy with who I was. I often felt like a failure and an outcast both at home and outside. I didn't want him to suffer the same way I did. He looked up to me instead of mom and dad because they lectured him a lot. They often tell him to study hard and exercise so that he can be successful in the future. However, he doesn't care, he just wants to have fun because he is a kid. As with me, I never cared and just let him be. I chose to listen instead of lecture so he often liked to be around me.
He became another motive for me to go down the self-improvement path. If I stayed the same way I was as a failure, I would be bringing him down with me as well. I began to actively make an effort in losing weight and being more social around strangers. I started eating healthier with more protein and vegetables, I became more active in my clubs and student government, I volunteered a shit ton, and I cut down on my bad habits especially with video games because I didn't want him to be an addict like I was. I started journaling and exercising with cardio and calisthenics. I even got him to start journaling with daily prompts with the reward of a $1 for each prompt he wrote which he could use to buy stuff online. He ended up doing the 365 prompts starting on 05/17/2022 till 11/24/2022 which is fucking impressive. I bought him $287.29 worth of Legos, army tanks, and police cars. I just messaged him what he wants to buy with his $77.71 left. I got busy during deployment and forgot about checking his progress so I fucked up on that.
My self-improvement journey initially started because I wanted revenge. I wanted to show everyone else that rejected me and looked down on me that I was capable of being better than them. My little brother's presence steered that movement in a way that I wasn't solely driven by hatred, but also with a desire to be a great example for others to follow.
