110

110. What’s one personal accomplishment that’s significant to you? (06/03/2023)

This.
This is one of the few hobbies that I am proud of. I can openly talk about my journey in journaling to others and how it helped me to develop as a better person.
As a kid, my journey in writing began when my dad asked me to write anything two pages long. I used to watch a lot of anime and cartoons back then so I wrote two pages of a superhero story. It was anime cliché where the good guy loses to bad guy but he/she later gains a new superpower to defeat them. Just rinse and repeat that till the series finishes. My dad didn't like reading it so I began writing about other things. It was mainly my thoughts and summaries of books I read, movies I watched, or games I played. It wasn't too deep.
For my 12th birthday present, I received a black journal. I did not write in that journal till I was 15 or 16 because I hated writing. During high school, my relationship with my parents became worse with more arguments and resentment. Whenever I was angry or depressed, I would write out my thoughts to feel better about myself. Writing became a tool to destress myself. When you have nobody to talk to about your problems, your diary becomes your closest friend.
Thinking about it now, whenever I write into my journal, I am always expressing myself and how I feel. Nobody reads that journal except for me. As a result, I become both the speaker and the listener to my emotions. When I said that my diary was my closest friend, it ended up being myself instead.
During 2019 or 2020 during my older sister's birthday, me and some of he close friends went to her room to celebrate. After the celebration, everyone was talking and having fun. Everyone except her, she was on her bed sitting up and writing quietly on her journal. I wonder what she was writing to her future self that reads it? Was she feeling happy on her birthday, or was she contemplating her thoughts on how far she has come in life? Was she feeling lonely? I don't know.
During my second year of college, I focused a lot on self-improvement because I wanted to get laid. One of my focuses was on having a better personality. So I tried writing daily prompts for 365 days. The main focus of those prompts were for creative writing not self-reflection. The large majority of prompts were about me going on an underwater trip in a fictional sea train or a mini-essay on why golden retrievers are my favorite dog breeds.
From there, I switched to a diary when I entered basic training in the US Army where I wrote about what happened everyday whether it was same old training in the fields or a bunch of guys dropkicking each other while wearing IOTVs.
Now, I do self-reflection journaling. This is one of my biggest accomplishments because it has challenged me to change for the better. Before, there were a lot of sensitive topics I would hide from others out of guilt and shame. I hid the fact that I am an Edgelord with severe anger issues from my closest friends. I planned to bury that secret to the grave with me. Now I want to share that side of me with them. Journaling has forced me to confront myself with the harsh truths and dark pasts I kept hidden. Even though they were hidden, they were influencing a lot of my actions and emotions from the background. I feel more free and at peace with myself now that I know the truth. That's also the reason why I decided to tell the truth to my friends because I don't want to keep them in the dark and guessing. I want to build greater trust with them. If I don't open up about myself, neither will they. Since we are guys, we often let our egos get in the way of talking about our problems and getting help. I don't want that for myself nor them.
Even though my past hobbies weren't as effective in self-improvement, each misstep helped me guide towards the right track. There is still a lot of learning and growing to do, but I think that's what makes this whole journey so fun and interesting.